The 5 Biggest Lies fed to us by Personal Development Books

1 You must become obsessed with your goals.

Obsession comes from a place of pain or fear. Be committed to them yes. Be disciplined by all means. 

But obsessive no. Obsession means an unhealthy focus on one aspect of your life at the expense of your emotional well-being and balance. 

2 If you don’t succeed you didn’t want it enough.

Success has a multitude of components. Some are within your control and some aren’t. 

That’s the deal for you. And that’s the deal for everyone else too. Just do your best to achieve what’s in your heart. 

That’s good enough even if it may not guarantee success. And you’ll just have to accept that whether you like it or not.

3 Role models always inspire

Role models can be useful sure although it depends how you use them. If you use them to inspire you then that’s great. 

However if instead you compare your own inferior abilities and qualities to theirs you’ll end up feeling inadequate and a bit rubbish. 

You may not do this intentionally of course. But it happens sometimes anyway doesn’t it. 

If you look at your role models on a day when you are feeling a little insecure you might end up comparing as opposed to being inspired.

4 Positive Affirmations are the best type of affirmations for everyone

It would be wonderful if the mere act of chanting statements such as I’m amazing, I’m successful, I’m wonderful, magically caused you to believe them. But they don’t do they. It’s just too big a jump for most people. 

If those kind of affirmations work for you then great, keep them coming.

However for a large proportion of people they simply don’t have that effect. 

The desired outcome of a positive affirmation is that it will be a way of combating the self doubts and unhelpful thoughts that pop into your head uninvited.

I’ve found that a far more effective way instead is to balance the thought. After all an unhelpful thought is only ever half the story. 

It is rigid, black and white and set in stone. It also feels permanent as it doesn’t allow for the possibly of change. 

There is always another, more balanced way of looking at the same situation.

I give examples of how to balance unhelpful thoughts in my latest book, “The little Guide to Overcoming Anxiety”, which as it happens is free if you haven’t downloaded your copy yet.

5 One size fits all for happiness and success

There are numerous strategies, approaches and techniques out there that work well. 

But they won’t work for everyone. The key is finding the ones that work for you and are the best fit for you and your personality. 

The idea presented in the personal development literature that these strategies will work for everyone is just not true. 

You are unique. What works well for someone else may not necessarily work for you. 

When I work with my clients, together we explore the strategies that could help and select only the ones that are the best fit before executing them.

Khody Damestani